Assertiveness II: Speaking Up
Sermon Review
03 December 2000
Reading Eph.4:15-25

Traveller between flights at airport, sitting in lounge after purchasing a packet of biscuits. Sitting down, reading paper, gradually becomes aware of rustling paper & shocked to see well-dressed man eating her biscuits. She was very angry but didn’t want to make a scene, so lowered her paper & took biscuit herself. 2min. later, the same rustling and the man did same again. She was fuming. Finally it came to an end when the man took last biscuit, broke it in two and pushed it towards her as he got up and left. For next two hours on flight the women fumed and wrestled with herself – ‘why hadn’t she just told him off?’ instead of just taking it? When she came to the end of her flight she opened her handbag to retrieve her ticket and to her shock she found something in her bag – an unopened packet of biscuits! Apart from extreme dismay and embarrassment, she realised that if she had spoken up she would have saved herself hours of agony and recriminations!

Being able to speak up, to voice an opinion, to say yes or no, is very important in life. It can help extricate ourselves from awkward, or in some instances, dangerous situations eg. teenage peer-driven behaviour, domestic violence, workplace harassment etc. It can help reduce stress, promote problem solving, help deepen relationships, provide learning opportunities, and it can also stop people using you as a door mat. People need to learn to speak up for their own mental, physical, and spiritual well-being, e.g. it has been reported that the number one cause of anguish, guilt, resentment, sleeplessness and depression in Corporate America is not being able to say no to those above them.

Speaking up is a part of being assertive. Jesus knew how and when to speak up, something that we need to learn from. For example:

Making the decision not to speak is also a part of assertiveness: (Herod & Jesus Lk.23:9-12). Too often being assertive is viewed as ‘speaking your mind’ irrespective of when, where, why, or who gets hurt. That is ‘venting’ like a volcano, and spraying all and sundry with your feelings and thoughts via words that is selfishness not assertiveness. Assertiveness doesn’t always mean that you have to talk cf. Jas.3:10-12. Sometimes it is not wise eg. Arch Hart illustration – Japanese at petrol station. However, when you don’t talk, check why? Too often we rationalise our not speaking as a sacrifice (ie. it costs us something), when the truth is that we have nothing to sacrifice for we have nothing worth saying, or we wouldn’t or couldn’t speak up even if we wanted to! Cowardice hits all of us, but beware calling it a spiritual or positive quality! There is a time to not speak up, but make sure that it is for good reasons. This is important, for today I want to talk about the need to speak up in our lives.

Paul uses a phrase in our reading today: ‘speaking the truth in love’. In order to take get something helpful for yourself today, why don’t you ask yourself three questions:-

Speaking The Truth In Love

In Eph.4:14-16 Paul says that Christians are to speak, not remain quiet – to speak the truth in love..

This is something which includes at least 3 things:-

Why Did Paul Think Christians Should Speak Up?

Paul saw that is it was important to do so because Christians can be like children – tossed to and fro, unstable, agitated, uncertain, confused. Paul’s antidote to this was to become unified in faith, the knowledge of Christ, and mature. What is interesting for us is how one does that. Paul saw that growing up in Christ and progressively playing a part in lovingly building up the church was the answer. And how was one to grow up in Christ? By ‘speaking the truth in love’! This means that in Paul’s mind the process of becoming mature and stable etc., rose or fell on whether or not ‘truth was spoken in love’.

Who Should We Speak Up To?

Why Should We Speak Up To Others, God & Ourselves?

The reasons are many, and some I have mentioned in passing, but let me focus on 2 this morning.

Conclusion:

Being real and authentic requires being assertive. Being assertive means ‘speaking the truth lovingly’ to ourselves, God, and others. Speaking up is necessary for our mental health, alleviation of stress and solving problems. It is also important for personal and spiritual growth, as well as fulfilling all of God’s plans and purposes. As such assertiveness is not just a skill that we must learn, or a matter of personal comfort, but it is primarily a matter of obedience.

Well, how did you go with those three questions? Where and in what ways do you need to learn to speak, to speak the truth, to speak the truth lovingly? You can see that it is important that you do. So, remember George Bernard Shaw’s comments to a reporter who once said to him the he had a marvelous gift for oratory – how did you develop it? George replied, ‘I learned to speak as men learn to skate or cycle, by doggedly making a fool of myself until I got used to it.’ Do it, do it, and do it – and don’t worry about the mistakes that you make. Practise is the best way to learn. Choose 1 area to begin with today and start growing in new and fuller ways in Christ.

Blessings

 

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